*(side note- this is a blog post(series of posts) I began 12/15/10 which was 2 days before the winter retreat and after I got back from the trip stuff got rough and I had decided to scrap the idea, but today I was prompted to continue the draft that was saved. hope you enjoy)*
She raised her suspicious eyebrow at me again as I handed her my parking slip. My head lowered and eyes barely making contact with hers and with a quivering voice I said “I am a youth pastor I was visiting a student in the ICU”. All indicators in my behavior would make it seem as though I was lying, but it was the truth. My tattered jeans, t-shirt, and crazy hair only offered more proof in the case she had built against me in the court of her mind. Her gaze pronounced me guilty yet she was reluctant to hand out the sentencing. This trial has occurred the same way as it had the day before and the day before that and the one before that. This is what my week had consisted of every time I left Harris downtown hospital. In fact I had each moment of this interaction memorized down to the dramatic pause at the end of our conversation before she opened the gate and would tell me in a cold tone “drive safe out there”. But in my heart I was waiting for the sentence to be handed out.
There are not many ‘perks’ to being a pastor, but one of the few that exist is free parking at the hospital. The month of November made me grateful for that perk because for two weeks straight I was up at the hospital at least once a day if not twice. That would have added up to one shiny little penny that would have come out of my already shallow pockets. However, the parking attendant lady (aka my P.A.L.) struck fear into me. I was waiting for the day when she would bang the gavel and say “youre not a pastor. Now pay for your PARKING!!’ (It would totally be in that ominous echo-y bad-guy tone too and definitely with lightning and a thunderclap in the background). You could tell that PAL didnt believe me whenever I told her I was a pastor and to say that I was seeing her a lot right now would be an understatement. There were even times i considered just paying as to avoid the situation all together.
But one day it I was determined to take down PAL’s inquisitive eyebrow down a notch. I was going to drive up to that booth with confidence and try and make her smile somehow. “After all”, i thought to myself, “everyone has a story”. Maybe she doesn’t like her job or she is bored. I need to find a way to make her day better. Little did i know that later that day i would find my ‘in’.
At this point the student who was in ICU was a little more stabilized and we were all simply waiting to find out the extent of the damage done to his brain. We knew there were rips, but none of us knew how this was going to effect him long-term. We feared the worst, prayed for the best, but we all collectively sat somewhere in between…waiting. Waiting for some sign, some hope, or some simple response to a simple command, but there was nothing simple about this situation at all.
“Hey Eron, youve been waiting for a while today, why dont you go back and see him for a little bit. I think only Nadine is back there”. The calm voice of his dad spoke to me with more hope than I had expected and had snapped me out of my reflective daze. I shook off my sub-conscious fears for the moment and walked down the cold sterile hallway. “Dont cry, dont cry, dont cry” is all that swam through the confusion of emotion inside my head. I dont cry often and was not about to cry in front of Nadine.
Nadine is a strong woman, not is build or in stature, but in character. She is a pediatric nurse and has seen her fair share of ‘hospital stuff’. Ive seen a lot, but it still phases me- nothing…i mean nothing can phase nurse Nadine. I walk into the room to see Nadine holding the student’s hand. My hands in my pocket and my eyes steady and focused in order that i avoid crying. We begin the typical awkward hospital small talk as to avoid the elephant of the 16 year old boy who laid in the center of the ICU room. Whom at this point we both had our hands on his; Nadine at his right and I at his left. Our visit was nearing its end and Nadine began to speak to the student one last time. She was pleading on behalf of her daughter who was unable to visit him that day, “please give me something good to tell Heidi”, she begged. “I’ll take anything, how about a smile? Can you give me a big classic smile of yours?” I glanced at Nadine and gave a half-hearted smile which spoke my sub-text loud and clear. It was clearly saying, “thats a sweet request and though I wish he could do it, we both know he wont”. Then my eyes slide downward at the student as to give him my goodbye. But as Nadine continued to ask the impossible, suddenly the sound of sheets rustling caught my attention just enough to know I shouldnt say goodbye just yet. My half-hearted smile became full-blown shock as I watched the student’s sleepy head turn towards Nadine, eyes still closed, but his mouth open wide with a smile as big as can be. He flashed his pearly whites for only a moment before his head rolled back onto his pillow, but it was just enough to send Nadine and I into a whirlwind of excitement. We laughed, we cheered, and we rushed to the waiting room to tell the story to everyone. This was big news and I think we told the story 5 or 6 times before we left that night.
I got in my car giddy from the night’s events. So much so that i had forgotten about my pending court-date with PAL. I bounced in the seat of my car as I drove down the winding path of the parking garage excited to tell anyone i could get on the phone to listen about what just happened. But I couldnt get anyone to answer. As I made the final turn and PAL’s booth came into view, i remembered my vow to make her smile I had made that morning. I didnt know if it would work but telling her this story was the only idea I had.
I drove up to her booth and as I approached, our eyes locked in a gaze of familiarity, I knew her, she knew me, but it didnt phase me this time. I feared I was going to hold up traffic and in a hurried tone that sounded as though I had just finished wind sprints, I asked if I could tell her a story. I was trying to write the typical pastoral information that was required on my parking slip in order to get the free parking. “you know how I have been here a lot lately”, I began. Her weathered face and piercing gaze seemed colder than ever as she remained silent. ” Well you see, like a week ago a student of mine…well I am a youth pastor at a church…” I kept stumbling over my words, partly because I was scared of her and partly because I didnt want to hold up traffic any more than I already was. “I am sorry this is taking so long I dont want to hold up all the…” I glanced in the rear view mirror only to see a total of zero cars behind me. PAL’s face shifted from cold and uncaring to cold, uncaring, with a hint of oh my gosh this guy is insane. “Oh…my bad I thought there were other cars behind me”, I chuckled nervously as PAL was still silent. “Anyway, let me tell you about this student.” I began to tell her the whole story of what had happened. From the accident, to the fears of the unknown, and finally to that night’s smile.
Then what occurred could only be described as what my high school theater teacher called a ‘pregnant pause’. PAL said nothing. She mulled over all the words I had i said. The wrinkles on her face seemed to not even move an inch as she tilted her head to the sky for a second. Then her blue eyes hidden behind her glasses locked with mine once more. She raised her hands to the sides of her face, grabbed her cheeks, and with what seemed to be a flood of youth that filled her eyes like i had never seen, she gasped. “I just love to hear about miracles.”
In that moment everything I thought I knew about PAL had changed. She didnt hate me or her job. She just had a story behind her cold glances, she wanted someone…anyone…to tell her the story of a miracle. She didnt care if it was a complete stranger, she just wanted someone to share their story. It makes sense if you think about it. She works at a hospital, a lot of bad things happen there, but so do a lot of good things. Miracles happen their everyday. Peoples lives are saved, babies are born, cancers are cured and all the while PAL is serving the happy and grumpy ‘park-ers’ each and everyday and just longed to hear some of the good that was happening inside while she sat in her cramped booth.
Every day after that I made sure I shared with PAL any thing that happened inside that hospital room no matter how little it seemed. I no longer was greeted with a cold stare, but instead was welcomed with warm and inviting eyes. Her eyebrows still raised inquisitively, but now it was because she was curious as to what happened in that ICU room and was waiting for that day’s miracle and I was eager to share.
PAL is only 1 of the hundreds of people I encounter on a regular basis. I am often in such a hurry I dont stop and think about the stories they have or why they do what they do. Instead I just get scared of the mean parking attendant lady, or get mad at the starbucks barista who messed up my drink, or dismiss the seemingly incompetent driver as an idiot because they cut me off while they were in a hurry. But each of those people have a story. they have a motivation as to why they are doing something or not doing something and we pass by and dont care to try and find out their story. Who are those people with whom you interact and quickly dismiss their behavior as irrational? Find out their stories and share your own. You’ll be surprised at what you discover.