Archive for February, 2011

Process in Song


2011
02.28

Not much to say. I just got back from my mini-vacation to Port Aransas. It was fun and had an interesting dynamic. I normally vacation by myself. it is one of the huge benefits of being a single guy. I do what I want, when I want, where I want. But this time I was with a family of extroverts and I am an most definitely an introvert. So it was fun trying to find ways to process amidst these circumstances.

For whatever reason I found that music was a big part of my processing and limited alone time. There were certain songs for various reasons that really seemed to resonate with me in different ways. So here is a list of songs that were part of the process…

*disclaimer: I know I have bad taste in music. I am fully aware that my itunes track list more closely resembles that of a middle school girl than a 20-something guy. I personally blame it on KISS fm’s limited music variety and since it is my station of choice, I am ok with the resulting “ipod of embarrassment”. With all that said, since I am aware of the embarrassment factor of the list below please keep your musical judgments to yourself, because honestly I dont care if arcade fire is musically superior to Justin Bieber, i still think arcade fire sounds like gibberish with a beat that a hobo on the street corner makes with his 10 gallon pickle tub. And no matter how hard you try and no matter what you say I will still remain the pop culture/music whore that already am…and I am okay with it. Thank you

oh yeah and they arent in any certain order

Words-Ryan Adams
When I’m Gone- Eminem
When a Heart Breaks- Ben Rector
Raising the Dead- Caedmons Call
Center Aisle- Caedmons Call
Gone are the Days- Nicole Nordeman
Talking to Myself- Eminem
Unwell- Matchbox 20
Expectations- Caedmons Call
I Just dont Want Coffee- Caedmons Call
You Answer Me- Jennifer Knapp
Kody- Matchbox 20
Pray- Justin Bieber
Help Me Believe- Nicole Nordeman
Love Alone- Caedmons Call
When I Look at You- Miley Cyrus

The way things used to be


2011
02.16

Concept- baptism of eunuch vs baptism classes

Church the people vs the building

Communion about the remembrance vs the ceremony

Making disciples vs making members

What the hell happened to the Christ followers. When did we become religious?

Tonight pt.2


2011
02.14

Tonight I wish I could see your face. Tonight you got your wish. Tonight I can picture you with your smirky little grin and two thumbs up. Tonight I know you would be excited even more than I would be. Tonight I just want to text you and tell you all about it and then have you make quiet little comments whenever we are near.

Tonight I said I would give anything to have you back.

But tonight I realized that’s a lie. Tonight I thought about reading proverbs with Ryan. Tonight I thought about the car rides with Cameron Ryan and Jacob. Tonight I think about my facebook conversations with Christina. Tonight I remember preaching the gospel in a public school auditorium. Tonight I remember going to Luke and Rebecca’s tournaments. Tonight I think of all the students at CHS that I know now. Tonight I think about how much more I pray and am forced to rely on strength that is not my own.

Tonight I selfishly want you here so badly. But tonight wouldn’t be here nor any of those things if you were. And tonight I wouldn’t trade them for anything…even you

And honestly it hurts my heart to say that. But I love you and I am so proud of you. I wish you were here tonight but your legacy while you were alive was so great that even in the worst circumstance of all Jesus is still made famous after your gone. I wish I could say that my life would do the same.

I miss you tonight but tonight you’re partying with the King

Things bible school doesnt prepare you for


2011
02.13

If you have spent more than about five minutes with me then you have probably picked up two widely known facts 1) I went to California Baptist University (CBU) 2) I love(d) CBU and i am thankful all that I learned there. The faculty and staff did all that they could to pour their lives into us students. In fact it still continues to this day. whenever I am in California I will stop visit CBU and the profs will always make time in their crazy schedules to sit down and hear about my life and offer up great and godly wisdom. But for all the great things I learned in school there are a large number of things I was never prepared for and wish I would’ve have been. So here is my first list (in no certain order) of things that school didn’t not prepare me for. I hope you enjoy
- car accidents
- how easy it is to exhaust yourself for something you love
- how to rest
- how to serve/work when you disagree with important decisions
- how to respectfully disagree with your elder board
- how to respectfully confront your elder board on disagreements
- that students can become friends and it’s weird
- students will teach you when you try and teach them
- picking roommates that are conducive to ministry (although they did talk a lot about picking a good wife, but this is a shout to all my single peeps…represent!)
- clergy taxes…I hate April 15th more and more each year
- funerals for 16 year old kids
- what to say as you watch a friend waste away their life when they could be so much more
- camping out in ICU rooms
- facebook, twitter, etc…
- being sucked into watching Justin bieber movies
- how to move people from apathy
- dealing with people who doubt
- leading when you doubt your own abilities
- how to give of yourself when you have nothing left
- how much you will love some of your students
- how much you will miss some of your students
-how to avoid being fired when all you want to do is punch your students
- what to say when someone has HIV, cancer, or other illnesses
- what to do when you no longer have a voice of influence
- how often your heart will break
-how often your heart will rejoice
- that being a ninja is a vital part of youth ministry
- how to mourn and comfort simultaneously
- how to say goodbye and let go
- letting people fail purposefully so they finally learn
- that no matter how hard I try I will never be Jesus and I can’t remove peoples sins or fix their problems
- how to still believe in other people when you become disillusioned
- how to find a mentor when yours fails you
- how to really forgive people
- how to consume Starbucks multiple times a day because it’s where everyone wants to meet
- that your office hours don’t matter to anyone…this job is 24/7
- how to teach on faith alone when you’ve lost all faith
- you can’t out run god
- that proverbs is one of the most underrated books of the bible
- how to truly be led by the spirit.

This list by no means complete but it’s just the few I have off the top of my head at the moment. These are all situations I have personally confronted in my own life. But what I have learned is that God is bigger than these issues. Being led by the spirit was not emphasized a lot in my studies, but the more I read the more I learn that it is vital to survive in ministry and life. But above all else the thing that ive learned will never fail is love.

I live by this- the greatest commandments are summed up by this

Love God. Love others

Everyone has a story pt.2


2011
02.12

“I hate surprises”, I mumble as I head towards the garage. Barely awake and grumpy, I grabbed my keys and fumbled my way into my car. You see, Wednesday’s are my ‘favorite’ day of the week. It’s the day we do our ministry staff meeting and as with most people I’m not a fan of meetings. Today was different- we were doing a staff fun day but they wouldn’t tell us what we were doing which took the fun out of staff fun day for me.

I get in the drivers seat and as I shake the sleep from my eyes I noticed the fuel light on. “Crap! I knew I should’ve filled that up last night”. I give the clock the evil eye as though it was at fault that I had to go to the gas station. “I guess I have time” ,I thought to myself, “but I’m getting doughnuts and orange juice.

Driving down the road the sun gently warms my face which makes me smile a little. I turn into the gas station a little less annoyed but my stomach gently grumbles a small reminder that I am hungry. I get the gas pump set up and I make my way inside.

I scour the shelves and quickly find my breakfast of choice. I make my way to the counter there was only one other person in front of me. So I let out a little sigh because the only thing I hate more than a meeting is waiting in line (unless it’s at Disneyland haha) Time was not yet urgent but was close enough that it needed to be considered. As I stand there I notice that this person’s purchase is taking an abnormally long time. I give my best evil glare to the back of the head in front of me so that somehow my brainwaves will send a burning signal into theirs in hopes that they might move a little more quickly. Suddenly I notice that the guy in front of me has adopted the same impatient stance I am wearing. I then realize my evil brainwave glare of doom is misdirected. My eyes adjust and focus past the head in front of me and moves beyond the counter and fixates on the day dreaming gas attendant person (or GAP). “Oh great”, I mutter with frustration that oddly matches the frustration level of the sighing done by the guy in front of me.

GAP is a tall lanky fellow with dark shaggy hair. His skin an olive-ish color that is just mysterious enough in tone that his ethnicity wasn’t familiar to the catalog of my mind. I stare down his every move which were few and slow. He would make one active step at a time to getting his customer out the door but he would pause between each step to gaze out the window. With each pause my jaw would tighten as to keep my tongue from screaming at him to move quicker. The tighter my jaw became the tighter my eyes would squint and focus on his movements or lack there of in this case.

After what seemed to be a 5-10 minute eternity of waiting. The guy in front of me exits the scene. I approach the counter walking a little taller in attempt to show the seriousness of my crumb doughnuts and off brand orange juice purchase. I was not about to let GAP waste my time like he did the guy before me. I confidently set my purchase on the counter and look up to see the now familiar picture of GAP gazing out the window. Thats when I feel it…i feel my mind fill with all the things I was going to say, the way I was cutting him down as a person for his poor work ethic, judgments on the lack of anything interesting that could be stared at for that long out the window. The more and more I plot the verbal battle in my mind the more my face begins to flush with frustration and I can feel my jaw beginning to loosen ready to let all my words flee the cage I’ve locked them in. “doesn’t he know I am headed for a staff fun day”, I think to myself.

Simultaneously i realize the ridiculousness of my accusation and the absurdity of my sudden rush to be somewhere I didn’t want to be. I shake my head a little as to shake loose the thought I just had. I look back up and GAP is starting to turn towards me for the first time since I approached the counter and I’m trying to formulate my first words to begin our verbal battle but all I can think is “remember PAL. Everyone has a story”.

My went blank, jaw unclenched, and demeanor changed. Over and over again, as GAP began to punch the buttons on the register, I could only think ” everyone has a story. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a story.” All that i had prepared for this moment was gone and I went with the only thing I knew, “so, how has your day been? You having a good morning?” The phrase was glib and trite but it was genuinely asked. GAP again turned his attention outside once more, but this time I looked with him and for the first time I saw something more than cars and gas pumps. I finally saw what was abnormal in that picture and what I assumed might be holding GAP’s attention. There was a strange man outside taking pictures of the gas station. “That’s a strange tourist, I can think of some more exciting things to see in fort worth than a gas station” my lame joke made it hard for me to even fake a laugh. But little did I realize as the the words fumbled out of my mouth that I had stumbled upon GAP’s story.

GAP finally spoke…mainly mumbles that were hard to understand as his mouth turned back and forth between me and the window. But what I did quickly recognize was his tone of concern. GAP wasnt daydreaming he was worried. Through his low tones I gathered that some accident had taken place with the gas station and the strange man outside and GAP had been unsuccessful in removing the man from the property and now the man was preparing to file a lawsuit against the gas station (thus the picture taking). GAPs every gaze outside was one of wonder and concern. It seemed as though the outcome of the whole situation rested on his shoulders so it was no wonder work was hard for him to concentrate on. I would have felt the same way had it been me.

As our time together at the counter came to a close, GAP kinda smiled and said that the guy really didn’t have a case. I smiled and assured him that everything would turn out fine. I left kicking myself for quickly judging GAP and frustrated at my selfishness and ability to quickly forget what I learned from PAL. As I got back in my car I prayed that God would open my eyes to see the people around me and be aware that they each have their stories. I prayed that he would help me seek out their stories and love them like he loved them. Little did I know that this prayer would begin to shape my next few weeks.

It’s a bold prayer but I ask are you too selfish to spend the time to find out what people’s stories are? They are there just waiting to be discovered are you willing to take the time?

Unwell


2011
02.11

Matchbox 20 is my favorite band and today this song just seemed to resonate with me. I pretty sure I had it on repeat for about a half an hour or more today. I’m weird like when A song sticks out to me for whatever reason. Anyway for you two or three blog creeps I hope you enjoy the lyrics–

All day starin’ at the ceilin’ makin’ friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices tellin’ me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin’
Hold on, feelin’ like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know, right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me

I’m talkin’ to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talkin’ about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin’ wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin’, somehow I’ve lost my mind

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know, right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I’ve been talkin’ in my sleep
Pretty soon they’ll come to get me
Yeah, they’re takin’ me away

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know, right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be
Well, I’m just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I’m just a little unwell

© EMI BLACKWOOD MUSIC INC.; U RULE MUSIC

Dear world


2011
02.10

Dear world- you suck! Sin has made you a not fun place to live anymore. Therefore I am taking a mental break from you for awhile. Please don’t bother leaving me a message I will probably not respond.
Totally not lovingly,
Eron M Coleman