I love to ask questions. Many times I go through a period of asking everybody the same question. Right now im in one of those phases.
The question:
What three words currently describe you? Not your emotions, but you as a person.
What are your 3 words?
So the current question pressing on my mind is what is true discipleship and what does it look like practically speaking?
So discipleship is….?
“it was a bathtub back in new York, reading Italian words aloud from a dictionary, that I first started mending my soul. My life had gone to bits and I was so unrecognizable to myself that I probably couldn’t have picked me out of a police lineup. But I felt a glimmer of happiness when I started studying Italian, and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face first out of the dirt– this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight”
-Elizabeth Gilbert
My book is not an Italian dictionary. It’s much more embarrassing than that, but it is my slight happiness. It is reminding me to dream again (which was one of my goals) in a lot of ways it is my few pages of escapism each night. I look forward to the nights calm enough (and I’ve maintained enough energy to stay up a little later) to drift off to Italy with the 34yr old who escaped life to eat and experience the pleasure of truly finding what it means to live again. I long for that, unfortunately I’m not there yet, but the nights I read i am there and it’s nice.
Yeah…It’s nice.
Tomorrow we go to India together.
“I am sick, sick, sick of your $#^+. When I’m not sick, I’m tired. I am sick and tired”
This is a relatively accurate description of my feelings at the current moment.
Much of this has to do with the overwhelming sense of drama that comes with being inundated with all the social networking ‘stuff’
Therefore for an undetermined amount of time im opting for a social networking fast.
I’m not sure what this means for the blog. I know I will cease my own blog creeping during said fast but as for my own writing I still undecided. I may write and set everything where it is entirely invisible. I may stop writing altogether. I may go old school and write in a journal since that seems to be what this has become as of late. Or i may do nothing and just post and random still. I don’t know…
But I do know this Facebook and twitter can kiss their apps goodbye…
….well from my phone anyway. And only for a little while. Yay breaks!
These are the lyrics to a song I really love. It’s called “Who am I Living for”
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear
Yeah, yeah
I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This is test is my own cross to bear
But I will get there
It’s never easy to be chosen
Never easy to be called
Standing on the front line
When the bombs start to fall
I can see heavens
But I still hear the flames
Calling out my name
I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?
I can feel this light that’s inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world
Yeah, yeah
So I pray for favor like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that’s the price
It’s never easy to be chosen
Never easy to be called
Standing on the front line
When the bombs start to fall
I can see heavens
But I still hear the flames
Calling out my name
I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?
I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
Heavy is head that wears the crown
Don’t let the greatness get you down
Heavy is head that wears the crown
Don’t let the greatness get you down
Oh yeah
I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?
I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
The song is by Katy Perry. Truth can find it’s way through all sorts of means.
“don’t forget”
“succulent”
Words of a man lost long ago.
Echoes of a voice searching to be found once more, but bound to the past.
My feeling- indifferent.
Passionate about being passionate is but a shadow.
Not mad. Not sad. Not frustrated. Not Happy. Not excited. Not anything.
Passion is what has changed. I have none. And it used to be all I was- passionate.
Now it’s all tucked away hiding in the shadows unable to be seen.
Grasping for everything and coming back with a fistful of air.
The remnants of feelings lie in the shadows.
“Curbside prophets, they’re yellin’ at me
He can save my soul for a drink and a dollar
Yeah, he’s yelling about my tattoos
We all live with the scars we choose
They might hurt like hell
But they all make us stronger”