Tonight is the first night of summer studies. I keep putting off my prep. I first started the week before senior Sunday but I couldnt bring myself to finish it. Every time I start my heart breaks. This study is going to be a difficult one. When I chose it back in march I assumed I’d be so much further along in my current process than I am. But the 6 month marker looms over my head and I know it’s just another day in a difficult journey but I know all the texts a FB posts will make it harder to tune out the sound of my broken heart tomorrow. Unfortunately this study is bed fellows with this heartache that is so real in my life and the lives of the students I love and serve and reality is I’m not ready. I thought I’d be “ok” by now and I’m far from it.
It’s 430. Summer studies begins at 7. I have to pick people up by 6. I’ve only got two paragraphs of notes typed out and a handful of questions.
It hurts when I write, time is running out, and I’m not ready.
…anyone else want to teach…oh wait…God said this was my role for such a time as this…well that sucks because I’m not ready.