Archive for the ‘rants’ Category

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Monster in Law quote


2011
05.08

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“I am sick, sick, sick of your $#^+. When I’m not sick, I’m tired. I am sick and tired”

This is a relatively accurate description of my feelings at the current moment.

Much of this has to do with the overwhelming sense of drama that comes with being inundated with all the social networking ‘stuff’

Therefore for an undetermined amount of time im opting for a social networking fast.

I’m not sure what this means for the blog. I know I will cease my own blog creeping during said fast but as for my own writing I still undecided. I may write and set everything where it is entirely invisible. I may stop writing altogether. I may go old school and write in a journal since that seems to be what this has become as of late. Or i may do nothing and just post and random still. I don’t know…

But I do know this Facebook and twitter can kiss their apps goodbye…
….well from my phone anyway. And only for a little while. Yay breaks!

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Shadows


2011
05.04

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“don’t forget”
“succulent”

Words of a man lost long ago.

Echoes of a voice searching to be found once more, but bound to the past.

My feeling- indifferent.

Passionate about being passionate is but a shadow.

Not mad. Not sad. Not frustrated. Not Happy. Not excited. Not anything.

Passion is what has changed. I have none. And it used to be all I was- passionate.

Now it’s all tucked away hiding in the shadows unable to be seen.

Grasping for everything and coming back with a fistful of air.

The remnants of feelings lie in the shadows.

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Meant for More


2011
04.30

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Do you ever sit there and think to yourself “I was meant for something more than this”? In a totally non-cocky way I feel this way all the time and I was able to express that tonight within a close knit community and the honest question of “well then what are you meant for” was met with just as honest of an answer of ” I don’t really know”.
This question has nagged at me for years, and continues to nag at me in more recent months worse than before but I don’t know what the solution could be. Just recently I wrote about trying to figure out what defines me and how I don’t know how to define myself apart from my job. I got a great response from Josh that got me thinking more about it. His answer really resounded with me but it was incomplete. I realized also that much of why I am driven to work harder is because I feel like I am meant for more than what I am doing and maybe if I work harder at what I am doing then I will achieve that greatness. But it seems to me this race I am running is futile. Not that what I am doing is pointless (I don’t believe that at all) it’s just the running for something more- that seems pointless and in the way that I am pursuing it-that too seems pointless.
I feel like I can do my job well and I will work hard at it. But I don’t know that I could say that I am great at it. I did my catering job really well but it too seemed incomplete and as though I wasnt not truly great there either and the list could go on with my acting, tennis playing, YMCA job, academic studies, my retail job, my ability to teach/preach. I work hard at all of them but it all seems short of what I am meant to be. I can do them all well but never great.
Most days I feel like i am so close to finding what God has for me but at the same time so far away that it drives me mad. The worst part is that I have no solution.

I feel like I was meant for more or was born to be somebody (so to speak) I just have no idea what or who that is….

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The way things used to be


2011
02.16

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Concept- baptism of eunuch vs baptism classes

Church the people vs the building

Communion about the remembrance vs the ceremony

Making disciples vs making members

What the hell happened to the Christ followers. When did we become religious?

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Things bible school doesnt prepare you for


2011
02.13

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If you have spent more than about five minutes with me then you have probably picked up two widely known facts 1) I went to California Baptist University (CBU) 2) I love(d) CBU and i am thankful all that I learned there. The faculty and staff did all that they could to pour their lives into us students. In fact it still continues to this day. whenever I am in California I will stop visit CBU and the profs will always make time in their crazy schedules to sit down and hear about my life and offer up great and godly wisdom. But for all the great things I learned in school there are a large number of things I was never prepared for and wish I would’ve have been. So here is my first list (in no certain order) of things that school didn’t not prepare me for. I hope you enjoy
- car accidents
- how easy it is to exhaust yourself for something you love
- how to rest
- how to serve/work when you disagree with important decisions
- how to respectfully disagree with your elder board
- how to respectfully confront your elder board on disagreements
- that students can become friends and it’s weird
- students will teach you when you try and teach them
- picking roommates that are conducive to ministry (although they did talk a lot about picking a good wife, but this is a shout to all my single peeps…represent!)
- clergy taxes…I hate April 15th more and more each year
- funerals for 16 year old kids
- what to say as you watch a friend waste away their life when they could be so much more
- camping out in ICU rooms
- facebook, twitter, etc…
- being sucked into watching Justin bieber movies
- how to move people from apathy
- dealing with people who doubt
- leading when you doubt your own abilities
- how to give of yourself when you have nothing left
- how much you will love some of your students
- how much you will miss some of your students
-how to avoid being fired when all you want to do is punch your students
- what to say when someone has HIV, cancer, or other illnesses
- what to do when you no longer have a voice of influence
- how often your heart will break
-how often your heart will rejoice
- that being a ninja is a vital part of youth ministry
- how to mourn and comfort simultaneously
- how to say goodbye and let go
- letting people fail purposefully so they finally learn
- that no matter how hard I try I will never be Jesus and I can’t remove peoples sins or fix their problems
- how to still believe in other people when you become disillusioned
- how to find a mentor when yours fails you
- how to really forgive people
- how to consume Starbucks multiple times a day because it’s where everyone wants to meet
- that your office hours don’t matter to anyone…this job is 24/7
- how to teach on faith alone when you’ve lost all faith
- you can’t out run god
- that proverbs is one of the most underrated books of the bible
- how to truly be led by the spirit.

This list by no means complete but it’s just the few I have off the top of my head at the moment. These are all situations I have personally confronted in my own life. But what I have learned is that God is bigger than these issues. Being led by the spirit was not emphasized a lot in my studies, but the more I read the more I learn that it is vital to survive in ministry and life. But above all else the thing that ive learned will never fail is love.

I live by this- the greatest commandments are summed up by this

Love God. Love others

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Dear world


2011
02.10

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Dear world- you suck! Sin has made you a not fun place to live anymore. Therefore I am taking a mental break from you for awhile. Please don’t bother leaving me a message I will probably not respond.
Totally not lovingly,
Eron M Coleman

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Tonight


2011
01.14

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Because several people have told me in the past that I should try writing to process my thoughts but I’ve never listened but I needed something to get my thoughts out. The title of this blog ended up being religious thoughts from the irreligious mind. Well tonight might be more on the irreligious side. So if for some reason you stopped by to read this then 1) youre strange since I haven’t posted in a year 2) consider yourself warned and proceed with caution & 3) I wrote this for my edification tonight, not yours (sorry)

Tonight-
I feel more alone than ever. Tonight I feel more angry than ever. Tonight I am scared. Tonight I want an answer. Why are you silent?!? Why are you far?!? Tonight I want to yell at everyone. I want to correct every wrong. Tonight I am helpless. I want to save everyone because it seems like right now you’ve left the saving business. But tonight I know I can’t and I know you haven’t left but you’re so quiet and that makes me mad. My heart is breaking…better yet…broken and you don’t seem to give a _____ tonight. Why that dream? What do you want from me? Give me something tonight. I merely begging for scraps off the table. I hate being here right now!!
Tonight-
The friends are gone, they lack understanding, they lack the caring, and others cant carry anymore.
The people I was proud of are liars, dead, or don’t care anymore and I cant fix it.
The strength I had is long gone and I just need the world to stop for one minute. I need to catch my breath.
I want to go back and say goodbye and I love you and I am proud of you

I know you’re still good and even though I’m alone I know you are there because you promised you would be

But tonight
Tonight I just want to cry

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Liberating the Whore pt. 2


2010
01.13

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The truth is we are all like the whore (Gomer) who Hosea married. We are constantly in pursuit of other lovers each of which is another attempt to bring some quick fix pleasure. Just as a whore seeks a thrill through sexual pleasure or through monetary gain we seek the quick fix relief by pursuing ways to sin more deeply. Whether it is through sex, money, desire to be liked, being a people pleaser, acting like the good church kid, judging others and saying their sins are worse than ours, pride thinking that we should get a pat on the back for being the one up front for leading music or teaching the bible study, doubting God, lacking in faith, false piety, pursuing knowledge for knowledge sake…the list goes on. All of these things are our “lovers” that we seek to make us feel better for the moment and never fill. Gomer was never satisfied with other lovers or the gifts she received from them. Gomer was representing the nation of Israel and their whoredom to their sins or “lovers”. All the great gifts that they received from other “lovers” where in fact gifts God allowed them to have. Gomer then loses everything and was stripped and exposed for the whore that she was.
     It was after her shameful exposure that she was led to the wilderness and was shown a deeper love. She was led to the wilderness and was spoken to tenderly and her first love/husband was able to woe her once again. He knew her shame and loved her despite that. His love was deep and he was willing to pay a great price to buy her back because He loved her. But get this…money is nothing in comparison to the price that was paid to buy us back on the cross… Yet we deny our whoredom. But I pose this question to you– Do you think there is any value in having our whoredom exposed?

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Liberating the Whore Pt 1


2010
01.12

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The Gospel is the message of liberation and yet so few live as such. We find ourselves living ensnared by sin and live like there is no hope. Sure with our mouths we confess that we know we are forgiven and yet we live our lives with our sins hidden behind false piety. We seek to find more creative ways to conceal our whoredom behind conservative clothing which is far more treasonous than the sin we were trying to hide in the first place! As we hide our sins we look to our “righteousness” to save us. This is clearly a fallacy vehemently condemned by scripture. It is in fact by definition the anti-gospel of grace and making our “righteous” actions an idol. As such, by our actions we are denying the validity of the Gospel, saying in affect that God was not able to cover our sins and thus denying the work that Jesus did on the cross.
The Bible does not teach that God only seeks out the righteous to save. However it does teach that only the righteous will not taste death, and again it says that there is none who are righteous. How does this all work? More thoughts to follow tomorrow…