As the years have gone by I’ve always thought it was wise to spend a good while in prayer over any major decision in my life.
I wonder how different my life would be if I spent just as much time being as faithful to pray over the day to day mundane decision in life…
So I’m pretty confident no one reads these anymore. Which I’m actually ok with. I like the few to non-existent creep factor for my blog anyway. But it’s still a good place for thought records.
Anyway, back to those questions that I like to ask people– the current question is…
Who is your best friend in the entire world? Describe who they are and why they are your best friend.
Tonight is the first night of summer studies. I keep putting off my prep. I first started the week before senior Sunday but I couldnt bring myself to finish it. Every time I start my heart breaks. This study is going to be a difficult one. When I chose it back in march I assumed I’d be so much further along in my current process than I am. But the 6 month marker looms over my head and I know it’s just another day in a difficult journey but I know all the texts a FB posts will make it harder to tune out the sound of my broken heart tomorrow. Unfortunately this study is bed fellows with this heartache that is so real in my life and the lives of the students I love and serve and reality is I’m not ready. I thought I’d be “ok” by now and I’m far from it.
It’s 430. Summer studies begins at 7. I have to pick people up by 6. I’ve only got two paragraphs of notes typed out and a handful of questions.
It hurts when I write, time is running out, and I’m not ready.
…anyone else want to teach…oh wait…God said this was my role for such a time as this…well that sucks because I’m not ready.
So the current question pressing on my mind is what is true discipleship and what does it look like practically speaking?
So discipleship is….?
“Curbside prophets, they’re yellin’ at me
He can save my soul for a drink and a dollar
Yeah, he’s yelling about my tattoos
We all live with the scars we choose
They might hurt like hell
But they all make us stronger”
There are some nights I want to walk away from you. Like a child who doesn’t get their way- I take my toys and pout all the way home. But then something brings me to prayer and you gently whisper “so, who are you talking to”. Then the rain pours and I sit in wonder as to who the thunder is crying out to. I know deep in my soul that the only answer is you.
Today’s song of the day is a Caedmons Call song entitled “Hold the Light”. It reminds me of a dear friend who even in a “funk” reflects the love of the divine more than he will ever realize.
It’s been a long year
Like a long sleepless night.
Jacob wrestled the angel,
but I’m too tired to fight.
Every wednesday
for two years we’ve met.
I’ve showed you all my anger
my doubts and bitterness.
There was no judgement in your eyes
just the silent peace of God,
that felt so real in you.
Will you hold the light for me?
Will you hold the light for me?
And I stay up late
because I cannot sleep.
I don’t want to face the quiet
where its just God and me.
I’m waiting for the gavel
handing me the sentence down,
because I don’t believe forgiveness
or even repentance now.
There was no judgement in your eyes
Just the silent peace of God,
that felt so real in you.
Will you hold the light for me?
Will you hold the light for me?
I want to feel redemption
flowing through my veins.
I want to see with clear eyes
beyond lust and hate.
I want the war to be over,
and know the good guys won,
and I want love to hold me
to know I’m not alone.
Standing around a willow weeping,
we were praying in the backyard.
In the chill of the night
the friendship light reminded me who we are
…who we are, who we are
Will you hold the light?
Will you hold the light for me?
Tonight I wish I could see your face. Tonight you got your wish. Tonight I can picture you with your smirky little grin and two thumbs up. Tonight I know you would be excited even more than I would be. Tonight I just want to text you and tell you all about it and then have you make quiet little comments whenever we are near.
Tonight I said I would give anything to have you back.
But tonight I realized that’s a lie. Tonight I thought about reading proverbs with Ryan. Tonight I thought about the car rides with Cameron Ryan and Jacob. Tonight I think about my facebook conversations with Christina. Tonight I remember preaching the gospel in a public school auditorium. Tonight I remember going to Luke and Rebecca’s tournaments. Tonight I think of all the students at CHS that I know now. Tonight I think about how much more I pray and am forced to rely on strength that is not my own.
Tonight I selfishly want you here so badly. But tonight wouldn’t be here nor any of those things if you were. And tonight I wouldn’t trade them for anything…even you
And honestly it hurts my heart to say that. But I love you and I am so proud of you. I wish you were here tonight but your legacy while you were alive was so great that even in the worst circumstance of all Jesus is still made famous after your gone. I wish I could say that my life would do the same.
I miss you tonight but tonight you’re partying with the King
Hey there vistor! Welcome to my thoughts. I am not sure why you are here or what you hope to gain by visiting, but I do appreciate you stopping by! 
Currently eroncoleman.com is under construction so to speak. My good buddy will is setting up the site and from what I’ve seen so far…its totally legit! so dont get used to the way it looks now, it will be much better!
Anyway, I’m not really sure what I will be blogging about. Much of it will be random topics of interest, some rant against the “system” i have, or I’m sure I will give my thoughts on different books, movies, music and such. What I do know is that I plan to ask a lot of questions. I really hope that this will be something that can be interactive…aka…I ask a question and you find your way to the little comment button/box and you reply! Make sense? Good.
First question…what do you think the title of the blog should be? I’m not a fan of “Eron’s blog” so I would love to hear your thoughts. Currently I have a subtitle that I like (religious thoughts from an irreligious mind) but I am not commited to it. I chose it for 2 reasons- 1) I figure it will be what this will typically be…I will present some discussion point that is poignant for the “religious” crowd, but I typically am not concerned with a religious answer or outcome. I want authenticity and people to move closer to being like Jesus not a religious system. 2) I’m trying to be more and more like Jesus. It is a long process and my mind has been so corrupted by sin that my mind is often far from God. Its only by the transforming grace of Jesus that I have any thoughts about God that are worthwhile.
All that to say, I like my subtitle, but it is too long to be a title. Therefore I would love your input on a title.
Ready…
Set…
Discuss.